Today I ran out of wellbutrin. I waited too long to get a refill and now I’ll have to go a few days without taking them at all. I’m thinking it may be up to a week, at most. I’m kinda nervous that it’ll cause some serious problems. I was really hoping that the package I got in the mail today was gonna be my pills instead of the protein powder that it turned out to be. Hopefully I’ll be okay, though. Lesson learned.
Regarding the protein powder, I’m trying this new one. It’s still Optimum Nutrition brand, but it’s an all-natural one that is free of artificial sweeteners. I got one of the smaller-sized ones as a tester to be safe and see how it all goes. I guess I’ll have to report back in the future.
Finals week is coming up. It’s gonna get a bit more stressful from here on out. Assignments, group projects, tests, etc. It’s gonna be difficult in Film Theory because my professor always expects a specific answer for everything and if you’re even slightly off you’ll get nailed for it, so to speak.
It’s really frustrating how my professor’s way is the only way when it comes to answering a question about personal interpretations of a globally-acknowledged art form*. She has all these other behavioral quirks that piss me off, too. I want to like her. I really do. But I just can’t get past all the blatant favoritism that she makes no fucking effort to hide at all. I’ve always had a problem with people who play favorites. I think there is no point to it and I consider it a form of bullying, which I will not stand for. I think that in itself is what upsets me the most about her class and her teaching methods. I can get over the fact that she doesn’t like not being the center of attention during class time. I can get over the fact that she is a white woman talking about all the basic evils of Hollywood cinema. I can even get over the hypocrisy of how she tends to call out Hollywood on its bullshit, yet she becomes a babbling fool that will defend any film of any kind if a rugged blonde-haired man is shown onscreen. I cannot, however, get over what I consider to be a form of discrimination.
My German cinema final will be difficult, too, because I will have to obtain a copy of the film Goodbye, Lenin to watch for our group project. Now that I think of it, I’m gonna have to find copies of Strangers on a Train and The Birds, too. Fuck.
Let’s not forget my studio production final on Thursday that I’m not entirely prepared for, since I never got to practice directing or producing before we started creating everyone’s final projects.
Either way, I can’t wait for SEOIs to be distributed.
Now I’m kinda pissed off. I’m gonna finish my dinner, go to tonight’s GSA meeting, and then work out. Hopefully I’ll feel better by then.
*My AP English 12 teacher always said what we did in class was like pulling the wings off of a butterfly, in the sense that we always over-analyzed the shit out of everything, and I hated it. Especially when I would leave with an interpretation of something that was different from everyone else’s, only to be told flat-out that my interpretation was wrong and that there was only one way to see things. It’s always fucking pissed me off, as you can tell.
So Angelina was clearly not sober at the Oscars, and tbh between presenting and Brad being nominated, it really doesn’t surprise me that she felt the the need to loosen up and overestimated what she’d need to do so. But I keep seeing this comments about people hoping that “crazy…
Today I’m trying to fill out a job application for next quarter. Where I work, everyone has to reapply each quarter, but we are usually given priority over new applicants*.
Anyways, I’ve been having a little problem with it since last night, which I expressed to a few friends already.
I want to try working a new position, like smoothies, sandwiches, or cashiering**. I don’t mind continuing working in the pizza kitchen, but if I do, I don’t want to work with my current coworker. Like, ever. EVER. I fucking hate his guts. And I know it’s not nice to say that I hate someone, ‘cause he can be a nice guy and he’s generally a good worker and makes a good pizza, but for the most part, he’s got the most disgusting personality I’ve ever encountered in other human beings, and being around him makes me really fucking angry. I honestly wouldn’t be sad if he were to just drop dead in the middle of my shift tonight. I just can’t tolerate any of his racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, immature, and all-around unprofessional behavior anymore.
But at the same time, I don’t want to flat out report him to my boss. This is for a number of reasons.
1. I don’t want to start any problems. I know in this case I need to just bite the bullet and say something, but at the same time, I am really afraid of creating any sort of confrontational mess. I know there are tons of people out there who are in somewhat similar positions, who are upset by something that someone they work with does, but they don’t say anything because they’re more afraid of starting shit than taking a stand.*** I just don’t want to deal with any backlash, but if life has taught me anything, it’s that absolutely every choice you make will have some sort of negative consequence, so I really just need to stand up and do it. It’s the right thing to do, I think.
2. I’m not really sure how my boss will handle it. A former coworker of mine quit her job earlier this quarter because when she asked her roommate to give our boss a doctor’s note explaining that she was severely ill with stomach flu and needed to take time off, our boss accused her of being a liar and refused to accept the note. Because of that situation, I’m a bit hesitant to do so much as complain about a coworker, even though part of me thinks I’m justified and have nothing to worry about. I know enough about my boss’ personality to know that she is the kind of person who will see complaining as a sign of weakness (which to her, is unacceptable), especially if it’s from a man. And then if she asks me why, I’d have to explain myself, which would essentially throw him under the bus and circle back to reason number 1.
Ugh. It’s just a big ugly mess I don’t wanna deal with. But I gotta, I suppose. :/
I’m not sure if I’ve started repeating myself yet, so I’ll end it there. I’m just unsure how to write, “I’d like to try working a new position, an opening shift, and not work with my current coworker ever again” on the application paper without starting something. I suppose if you wanna bake a cake, you gotta break a few eggs, though, huh?****
If anyone has ideas, I’m more than happy to hear them. :)
*Never mind our incredibly high employee turnover rate.
**I have ample experience as a cashier after working for that one incredibly well-known American movie theater corporation since 2006.
***Martin Vanger (Stellan Skarsgard) said something about this in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) film. I can’t recall the exact quote but it was something along the lines of, “the fear of offending someone is far greater than the fear of death itself.” I feel like in this case, it kinda fits.
You're welcome! There are subtitles available elswhere on the web. I can't get them to work right with the video, but if you download a subtitle editor you can open them up and read them alongside the musical.